Sunday, March 16, 2008, 10:39 PM
I have to say that I am shocked and stunned by this. I don't have anything against pasties, and I don't really object to the consumption of Quorn (even though I must confess I do not know what it is). Hell, I don't even have a problem when people mess around with traditional recipes.
What I despise are missed opportunities, and whoever introduced this product is guilty of having failed to name it a "Quornish Pasty". I mean, the name "Quorn" lends itself to so many great adaptations*, yet either this name was missed, or some litigation-shy marketing department decided against it. What's the good in an unusual name if you can't expand on it now and again?
*Another favourite is the term Quornography, which refers to lightweight erotic material characterised by an absence of meat.
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Thursday, February 28, 2008, 07:22 PM
This is fantastic. Not sure what I'm meant to do in response, but it is fantastic all the same:
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008, 11:44 PM
I stopped, transfixed in front of the window of Books Etc when I saw this.
As a major product push to their new 'Feed your mind' campaign, they are pushing Jordan's autobiography. In it, you get to read about her tits, her kids and her husband. You also get a deep insight into her breasts, norks, baps, funbags and hooters. That includes her tits.
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008, 11:13 PM
I was out with a friend this evening, and we were slap bang in the centre of London and running out of time, imagination, and looking for affordable, convenient places to eat. We walked past the front of a Garfunkels, and I realised I had walked past these restaurants thousands of times without even contemplating going in there. It's a form of food racism, similar to what I feel for Angus Steak Houses - I don't even come close to entertaining the thought of eating there - such an abstract concept, you might as well suggest grabbing a quick meal at Phones 4U.
Anyway, assisted by a couple of pints and reassured by the branding, I snapped out of my reverie, and suggested that we go in 'just to see what it's like'.
I'll save energy on this entry, and just cut to the chase - Garfunkels is avoided by every Londoner because it is a truly horrible place to eat. In fact, you don't even have to consume food to realise that it is nasty.
I have experienced National Rail ticket inspectors more engaging than the staff, and the proudly-priced food arrives staggeringly fast (destroying the illusion that 'someone' 'made' it) and has all of the taste of a sheet of A4 paper. You receive the bill as you take your last mouthful, and you are practically ushered onto the street, along with the rubbish bags that they are carting through the place. To call Garfunkels a restaurant is to call Robert Mugabe a politician.
All I can do to gain closure and put the episode behind me is to give you an anagram of the name of the place: Falser Gunk
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Saturday, February 16, 2008, 08:32 PM
This fascinating picture is on of many similar images you can obtain if you use Google Maps to look at the southern part of the Arizona city of Tucson.
B52 bombers sitting in the hot desert air, swatted like flies by the massive hand of history. Basically, in the thawing of the Cold War, the Russians and the Yanks were in a quite standoffish position where both parties wanted proof that their weapons were being put beyond use. The Americans gallantly suggested that they put them in a place where Russian spy satellites could pick up the images, which is why this airbase was chosen. When you think about the effect that war and politics has on the landscape, it truly is remarkable - even the Great Wall of China is a (slightly more elegant) symbol of a clash of civilisations.
These B-52s are still being used, actually. The ones in the middle have been disembowelled to begin recovering the metal from the airframes. Why? To fuel civilisation's massive demand for mobile phones. Basically, the grade and quality of metal from a 20th century airborne killing machine is available at a far lower price than getting the metal out of the ground. And these bombers are made of exactly the right metal to make mobile phone circuitry. So next time a cheery Phones4U salesperson hands you your new Nokia, consider that a decent part of it may once have spent its life disgorging bombs over the treacherous skies of Hanoi, Kandahar or Baghdad.
Image: Copyright Google Maps
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